Ex-Girls

Trixie, Dixie, Floozy, Flimsy, Floppy, Moppy, and Crumb. I was not Snow White, and they were not dwarves.

How I ended up at a party with all of them standing in the same room as me- slinging their boozies and tee-hee-heeing with flushed little cheeks- doesn't even matter. It was the fact that everyone seemed to think it was so normal. They made shriekingly enthusiastic small-talk with each other, and only one seemed genuine in her kind, quiet smiles toward me. The others blurred into one room-filling blob of squawking cacaphony smeared in rouge and lipstick.

Meanwhile, Don (Juan) was making his rounds like Fred Astaire on ecstasy, draping each princess-past with a kram-deluxe and a special little twinkling-wink of a cherry dropped on top. He oozed compliments and giggled with each little pot of honey at the thought of all those silly little (*sigh*) ...memories.

Sudden claustrophobia wrapped around my whole head, like a hot, heavy sweater soaked in thick, sweet perfume. The muffled sounds of the toothy-grinned-voices trickled in like stale hot tea that had nowhere to run out after it had poured in.

An icy blast of air stung me back to my senses when someone came in from the balcony. Without hesitating, I pushed through a warm pile of drinks and people into the freezing, dark night outside. Streetlamps made fuzzy little cottonballs of light here and there, and the moon looked small and far away.

I hung on to the rail and leaned over it, filled with a dizzy, heavy sickness. I breathed deeply and evenly- pushing the musky perfume out of my lungs, and refilling them with fast clean little darts of icicle breath.

Was this my future? Or was it just a dream? I tried to decipher my subconscious as I looked down onto to the dimly lit snow-covered street. Maybe neither, maybe both- my thoughts whispered to me.

The muffled sounds of clinking glasses, laughter, and party conversations invited me back inside, but it didn't matter as I stood there looking out onto the foreign landscape. Outside it was just me. And the moon. And the snow.


Written by Rachael Sage Payne ©

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